i close my eyes
hoping for it to shut tight
and my brain to shut up
it keeps talking to me
and i am having conversations
without the need to open my mouth.

my heart aches
it feels heavy
and i am tired
of being tired
and continue to be tired
when ironically
i am currently resting.



You can't always think that everything will go your way,
you can't always assume something
and expect it to be that way,
there are turns and loops
and bullets shooting
you're just unaware of it until you get shot.
You  can't always have happiness
because then you'll never experience   the bitterness of life
and you'll  never have something to learn from.
But you can't always be sad,
you  can't always be blaming others,
you can't always be dependant,
you can't always live a life in fear.
People close to you will eventually leave,
you'll eventually have to do things alone,
you'll eventually have to deal with it like it's nobody else's business.

and all it is because you can't always trust the people around you.
you got to start believing in yourself.

You got to start standing on your own.



I would like to be your friend,
I would love to laugh along with you,
I hope you would too,
because I can get annoying,
and my laugh is like a variable,
it goes from a roller coaster to a terminated life line,
and when I'm excited to share a story,
my tone goes high pitch,
like really high pitch,
and my words won't be perfect,
my speech is messed up,
but I hope you'll enjoy them,
as I enjoy sharing them with you,

actually, I would love to be your friend,
and I would adore to laugh like a snorting pig with you.



stars are so underated
nobody has the time
to stop their pace for while
and look up
stare at the night sky for a moment
it takes a while for you to see it
for at first it's kinda blurry
and once your eyesight is on focus
you won't believe how enchanting it feels
somewhat relaxing
yet breath taking
like shimmer of glitter across the sky
diamonds afloat up high above us
a mini fire explosion erupted in between the clouds
it's extraordinary
how beautiful things are around us
but we are blind to see it
because we're too caught up with ugly things that don't matter.



Can you hear me
no, can you hear me?
not hear from them
and give me a chance to explain
my side of the story
so you could understand
at least, try to understand
but instead you shut me out
and I am left stranded like a stray dog
whimpering for your attention
because that's the thing
I am like a stray dog
the kind that passes you by
and you won't look at it
because it's worthless.


I promised myself to let go
but I feel the burden of my past
and little things haunt me
everytime I stumble across to them
like a particular scent of a cheap branded perfume
an old school Ed Sheeran song played from my playlist
reminded me the year when i was 15
reminded me of you
and the things we've been through
and I promised myself
please don't cry this is so stupid
but what's not to cry
when you loose something
more precious than a memory?

a friend.


i dread those days
where we used to talk
whilst leaning against a chalky wall
where i knew what you were thinking
from the emotions of your eyes

your jokes that took me a minute to get
your awkward looking laugh that i adored
your weird insecurities which i try to help you with

i miss those days
365 days to be exact
when you were a nobody
but i saw the somebody in you

i miss our deep conversations,
i miss listening to your problems,
i miss being your friend.